Gley Lancer (Review)

GleyLancer (MD)

Its got some anime type 'cutscenes' at the start. Excellent MD speech. Pick it up for GRAVEL VOICE! Graphics are fair ,backgrounds look nice, even on teh first level we flew through saturns rings (a bit like in Macross) . Thorpe says it plays like a Horizontal versiion of Image fight. At the end of the first level, the Megadrive tells us in its gravely voice "I would do anything for some ice cream" Or it might have been "I will give you anyhting but eighteen year olds" we aren't sure.

At the start of the second level (after a very easy first boss) it tells us to beware of the popcorn. It could be talking about the tune from the 80s or there could be popcorn on this level. This is whats so great about this game; Its allways going to be easy to adapt to new situations, in fact the second boss was twice as big and twice as easy to kill. It wasnt made out of popcorn, ice cream or eighteen year olds (as far as i know) but it was a giant head. The voice on later scrutiny is i fact what Tweeky from buck rogers will sound like after 25 years when smoking more than his usual 8 cigars a day. Half way though the second lvl you get somthing called Ned Shot. Just after that you are attacked by metal Neds that look like blobby space ships. after this you get to the end of lvl boss, which is a giant brain thing (the grouped hub of hive intelect representing every Ned in the universe. Its easy to kill though as its got no guns and just foats in front of your guns.

Stage 3 comes after another small anime cut scene with an anime chick, shes not on shopkeeper from forgotten worlds standards, but shes quite good. anyway yes, stage 3, its the obligarory speed up stage.... then it slows down and shouts danger at you a lot. at first you think its having a laugh, as it just has little volcano things shoot at you from the floor, but soon enough you see that its really unfairly just going to crush you in a growing blocks of shit. If you jab your laser in the eye of some spinning ball thing you will complete the level. Huzzah.

Jesus, now its onto the next level, it appears to be a copy of lvl 3 of R-Type (which i completed btw) Its pretty bad and even though it warns you that there is a huge ship heading your way you still are suprised by the huge falic object on the back of the ship, its some sort of rear firing penis launcher.... nasty. Amyway skip to the end, you can wipe out this big red cock machine pretty quick and we are onto somthing that i REALLY hope is the last LVL.

At first i thought wow, they are pulling out all the stops here, there is a sunset with not one, but 2 suns and the first few waves of ships look hard enough, then you see the pattern, then its as hard as putting on slip on shoes. Another huge ship aproaches and is beaten before i really can decide if it looks like ED209..... A cut scene! its the end!! ...... No....

Another lvl, but Thorpe says "this must be the last lvl, its bio-mechanical". So i stick it out and watch as he moves into the end ... no ... mid lvl boss, thats still a huge enemy standing in our way. at this point im just hopeing that Thorpe dosnt turn round and happly ask me if i want a go after him, i think i might die or somthing. Ohh, i just missed the end boss. aww shit in a hat and puch it, there is another level.

OK, this is Level 8, it looks a bit like stage 2 from Gradius 1 but with a red backdrop. I think i can see where the developers were going with the dificulty curve here, You see, its like a marathon not a sprint. Its just told us to watch out for flying rocks (they have little laughing faces on them), i can only think they are laughing at us for having got this far, its some sort of developer in joke. Ok, thorpe just lost a life on the boss, im sortof worried about him , hes looking a bit down , and has gone all quiet. Im going to try and speak to him in a light friendly way after this boss. Wish me luck.

Overall : Continue? yes/no