I really wanted to like Mass Effect. I really did. I Found it for 50p, and did I get value for money? No.Commander Shepard is a hero/bad-ass/galactic soldier/man/woman. He/she is hard/soft/dark/light. Etc Etc. This is one of those games that you make the main character yourself and no matter hard you try you'll always end up with a bloke that looks like that guy from Prison Break or a chick that looks like whingey-duckface from 24.
I opted for the latter. I doesn't seem to make and difference. So following a failed rescue mission to some dull planet or other, it seems someone's got it in for the whole galaxy and is trying to end it. Mr/Mrs Shepard is tasked with stopping said loon with the help of some drunks she met in a space station. Oh and Seth Green. You follow the plot from star system to star system and sometimes land on a planet to investigate. By "investigate" I mean drive around the surface of the planet in a BigTrak that's been on Pimp My Ride. Then you get out and shoot stuff.
And here is the main problem. Combat is turdcake.Here's how to make it.
Take a 3rd person shooter. Remove any accuracy in the aiming and controls.
Make the weapons as underpowered as Tesco's Value chilli.
Sprinkle in some retarded team AI.
Mix so it takes on a brown colour.
Add some repetitive enemy types.
Season the enemies so they run from one point to another. Endlessly
Strip the cover system from Gears Of War, break it into small pieces and burn it until nothing remains apart from standing facing the camera while "in cover"
Rinse and repeat, then discard.
When you've eventually shot the last of the enemies then you recover a plot point for the story and continue to the next planet. I could see this going on for sometime and decided not to. Instead I ran around the space station saying inane things to the inhabitants. It seems though that the only one that would listen was a tall pink jellyfish that was some kind of intergalactic Jehova's witness. Bloody Typical.
