Vanguard - Random Arcade Review

Konami have alot to answer for, stupid Yugioh cards year in year out Poo Evolution Soccer (which for them in the know was good once) and global warming. Well maybe not the last one as I have not got their carbon emission data to hand. They also brought us Scramble. Maybe the 1st horizontally scrolling shoot em up. Scramble in turn gave us, by means of video game Darwinism, Nemesis, R-Type and Vanguard. Ok so Vanguard is older than Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses, and probably fought in the battle of Midway with no kills on record, but it's important because it scrolled diagonally up for a bit and then down for a bit.
You can fire in 4 directions which means your buttons will either need reconfiguring or you'll have to stick little labels on them . So you shoot stuff travelling to the right, then as mentoned the screen moves up-diagonally-right. The alien blobs that attack only attack in one pattern per section so you only really need the forward and either up or down fire. Then you go right again and fly through some multi-coloured straws. But not those cool ones with bendy bits in and definatly not clever swirly/loopy ones. Occasionally the music from Star Trek the Next Generation plays and sometimes there is a shield power up that gives you not only limited invincibility but also the Vulcan's music from Flash Gordon. It is mandatory that at this point you shout "GORDON'S ALIVE?" in a Brian Blessed voice.
The end of the five stages gives you a chance to shoot up the alien's homes. Defensless alien homes, full of women and children. Now they're dead. And it's your fault. Steve.

MACH 3 - not the razor.

As everyone knows the arcades were great. As a dribbling 13 year old you could stare for hours at the big boys playing really cool games. Mach 3 was once such a game. It was the best thing ever.

It ran real video footage of a plane flying down canyons, over a dam and past Richbourgh power station (it might have been Didcot). A jet fighter was superimposed on top that you could control and shoot down other superimposed fighters.

There was a second stage that you had to pay more money to play where you viewed the action from above. I never played that bit. It looked boring. Unfortunately Mach3 broke. Well the one in Margate did anyway, it was (probably) taken away by arcade dustmen and buried in concrete to make a motorway bridge. Sadly there was never a home version of it. The closest there ever was, er.. was Tomcat Alley on the MegaCD which coincidentaly belongs buried in concrete to make a motorway bridge. Maybe one with a Skaven head spray painted on it. Thanks to the world wide interweb you can at least download and watch the video footage. I have found out in lieu of not actually being able to play it you can hold a toy F14 in front of the monitor playing the footage and pretend to shoot down the toy Mig21 in your other hand. Buy more toy planes to get extra levels and use a pocket calculator to keep score. Brilliant!